Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Wild, Gorgeous, Scary

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a Bad Girl. And I'm wondering, of course, am I a Bad Girl? Actually, I'm a pretty nice person, kind a lot of the time, and I never try to hurt anyone.

But now I'm trying to be bad, or thinking about trying to be bad, because all through my younger life I was too nice, afraid to say no, afraid to ask for what I wanted, and it brought me to a really awful place in my life. That's when I woke up and realized I would have to make some drastic changes. I had followed the rules, so why was my life in ruins?

And then I started to study other women, the happy and fulfilled ones, and I realized that the happiest of women were Bad Girls, women who had struggled through hardship and loss like me and emerged as these wild, gorgeous, scary, mysterious creatures with a fascinating story to tell.
Their experience taught them that to get what you want in life, you have to risk throwing it all away.