Friday, October 12, 2007

Craigslist Courtesan Seeks SW$M

Right around the time I was writing Reviving Skittles, Part 6, a friend sent me the following exchange between two anonymous writers on Craigslist.com, New York. I think it's disturbing and funny, especially in light of what I wrote in Part 6 about Lord Hartington's offer to Skittles, proposing a financial transaction rather than marriage. Call me old-fashioned, but I thought courtesans were a thing of the past. Looks like I was wrong.

The anonymous Craigslist courtesan wrote:

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly
beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that
a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm
overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200
- 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to
central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an
investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am,
nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her
level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side
so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to
offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous
girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker,
doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out?
Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE
ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way.
Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it.
I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match
them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and
hearth.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
PostingID: 432279810


And here's the answer she received:
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about
your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill;
that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my
money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money
will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my
income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting
any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot
for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to
"buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you
think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go
away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple
as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I
wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe
that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found
you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we
wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease,
let me know.

7 comments:

Lisanne McT said...

Well obviously this chick has never heard the term "beauty comes from within"!

Anonymous said...

I wonder if she's even aware of the concept of love? But anyway, Craigslist has become the latest hangout for sex workers. A lot of law enforcement agencies have begun scanning the "positions wanted" section for prostitution activity. I've even seen a lot of questionable stuff in the "professional resume" section.

Hutch said...

I wonder if my 5 grand a year could get her?

The English Courtesan said...

Wahahahah, ooooh that's funny, Joyce! The response really does hit the nail on the head and leasing makes good business sense. Somehow this girl actually makes me look like a bit of a bargain... ;-)

Livvy xxx

Closet Courtesan said...

Update
Mr Financial better check his other assets. While his money might be rising, his increasing age directly affects his personal ability to rise. Unless he holds stocks in Viagra, he,s better off dating younger women because they're just there for a good time, not a long time...

What about him as a lease option? What's he got to offer down the road? While a woman's body can always get a rebuild ($$$), you can't easily replace a weak hose, although I've heard duct tape works on anything!

They say a man sexually peaks between at age 18. Women are just getting started at that age and we start hitting higher gears after 40. This poor man is obviously dealing with economy models that put few demands on his motor.

All you have to do is look at Hollywood to see how many older men "buy" younger women. But at the end of the day, who's laughing all the way to the bank?

Let's hope both these individuals mature enough to finally find their true loves. Just like the Beatles song says "money can't buy you love" - love is priceless.

Anonymous said...

To the last comment I might add: The Beatles ALSO had another song which said, "The best things in life are free, but you can keep 'em for the birds and bees! Now give me MONEY - That's what I want!"

Gamer said...

Closet Courtesan wrote, "While a woman's body can always get a rebuild ($$$),"

Surreeee.... Keep tell yourself that.

Jocelyn Wildenstein does.

See here: http://www.viciousenterprises.com/summersblog/jocelyn-wildenstein-are-you-kidding-me